Break it Up

Download here my fellow heart-weary souls, and buckle down for some Jilt Jamz.

1.The Smiths- I Know It's Over

"If you're so funny/Then why are you on your own tonight ?/And if you're so clever/Then why are you on your own tonight ?/If you're so very entertaining/Then why are you on your own tonight ?"

Pretty much my internal monologue in such situations. Thanks for the oddly specific, precise dagger to my heart Morissey.

2.Hole- Doll Parts

Someday you will ache like I ache.

That's the dream, right guys?

3.Patti Smith Group- Break it Up

Break it up, I don't understand. /Break it up, I can't comprehend./Break it up, oh, I want to feel you./Break it up, don't talk to me that way

4.Echo and the Bunnymen- The Killing Moon

Wait for the line "So cruelly you kissed me," then try not to dissolve into a puddle of melodramatic sadface. You can make a game of it! (like the other person made a game of your emotions, etc etc.)

5.Black Flag- I Love You

Because sometimes things get a little stabby. What're you gonna do? Ce'st la vie.

6.Guided by Voices- As We Go Up, We Go Down

See the truth, yeah/Is just a lie.

Guided by Voices lyrics are generally ridic/nonsensical, but this one has some good messages.

7.Piece of My Heart- Janis Joplin

"Take another little piece of my heart now baby/ Break another little piece of my heart "

8.Azeem Khan featuring Mishal-If We Ever Kiss

"I'm asking you/If we'll ever kiss again/ If you'll ever call me again"

9. The Buzzcocks- You Say You Don't Love Me

You say you don't love me/Well that's alright with me I'm not in love with you"

10.Neil Patrick Harris & Felicia Day-My Eyes

A novelty sure, but also features the stellar line "Listen close to everybody's heart/ And hear that breaking sound." Pretty solid encapsulation of what it's like to pine for someone and watch them fawn over someone else.

11.Islands- I Feel Evil Creeping In

Is it weird to associate so much murdering with this stuff?

12. Violent Femmes- Do You Really Want to Hurt Me (cover)

Best experienced when clutching scotch and perusing Facebook.

13. The Blow- True Affection

"I was out of your league."

Bonus! Smiths Sad-Sack Track: Never Had No One Ever

Obviously you could make this whole mix with only Smiths songs.

AudioPleasure

Internet slow, RAR file upload futile, etc. etc., Deal with it. Download here

Also- I'd like to send out an open plea to Kyle for the esteemed privilege of picking the theme for a month.

With that out of the way, yes I did just notice that I have a repeat with Viv. But I'm going to leave it in regardless. Enjoy! (x2)

Moving on: I find that my sex jams mixxx (see what I did there? I'll be here all week), is composed partly of sentiments soft & tender, and partly of aggression & passion. That means I've either put together something that closely mirrors this crazy roller coaster ride we call life, or a one-night-stand with a manic depressive. Either way, please enjoy, (and remember that manic depressives will always want to go out for breakfast the morning after- they need to take some orange juice with their medication).

1.) Bob Dylan-I Want You: Before you can get your groove on, you've got to get them in your bed. I recommend this song. (Exaggerated Dylan drawl to be mimicked at your own discretion).

2.) King Khan & Bbq Show- I'll be Loving You

3.) Blue Oyster Cult- Burnin' for You: Woah, guys, is it getting hot in here?

4.) The Buzzcocks- Ever Fallen in Love?: Forbidden love? That's the best kind! It totally works out right?

5.) Hot Chip- Sexual Healing: At this point in the mix, you should be rounding out your dance of seduction.

6.) Peaches- Fuck the Pain Away: Oh Peaches, you are such a demure lady! Why don't you quit being coy and tell us what's really up?

7.) Led Zeppelin- Battle of Evermore: Congratulations, your search for a nerd-friendly make-out tune is over! Because everyone is totally turned on by Tolkien references right? "Aw yea, ravage me the way Isildur ravaged the fate of Middle Earth by succumbing to the powers of The One Ring after he chopped it from Sauron's finger but refused to thrust it into the fire pit of Mount Doom. Aw, yea. "

8.) Jane Birkin/Serge Gainsbourg-Je T'Aime Moi Non Plus: I guess it's a no brainer Viv and I doubled-up on this- if anyone knows how to do it, it's the French right? And just to make sure we're all on the same page, by "it" we mean colonize parts of North Africa in ways that will economically cripple them for generations and then grow increasingly resentful at any and all future immigrant populations as destroying fragile French heritage, right? (I'm looking at you, Bridget Bardot).

9.) Cat Power- Sea of Love

10.) The Doors- Light My Fire

11.) The Troggs- Wild Thing: Best used when introducing any form of kink.

12.) Velvet Underground- Venus in Furs: ...Speaking of, with its refrain of "Shiny boots of leather," and the fact that the title is derived from a novel whose author's name is the inspiration for the word "masochist," one can only assume this would be the go-to selection of the BDSM community. Somehow the song manages to make lines about "tasting the whip" & "the belt that does await" tender and romantic. I've chosen the Specter Studios version of the song, because it's just that great.

13.) Radiohead- All I Need: Now this is as submissive as they get, with lines like "I'm a moth/Who just wants to share your light." Severin couldn't have said it better himself.

14.) Patti Smith- Because the Night: Do you really even have to ask? I'm guessing if someone ever puts this on a mix for you, they're a sure thing.

15.) The Cure- Just Like Heaven: The introductory verse is perhaps one of the most charming/adorable things ever sung by a man in dark eyeliner and pancake makeup. Thusly, I give you your designated post-coital cuddle jam.

Bonus:
16.) The Lonely Island- Jizz in My Pants: It wouldn't really be one of my mixes if I didn't include something ridiculous. You are welcome.

Cover Me

* I am still "She of the Sluggish Internet" thus, zipping impossible, and individual links abound.*

Full Mix here (if you want all of them at once, just check all, and click "bulk download" from the sidebar- it's almost like it was in a zip file, I swear!)

For the record, I totally was going to shamelessly include the Hedwig cover but since Kyle saved me from it, I've decided to omit it from my own list. (But since the Richman cover itself is from a charity album, I feel obligated to link you to where you can purchase it, ya know if you're ever so inclined.)

1.) Metric- Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

2.) The Magic Numbers- Crazy in Love: Is it wrong for me to think Beyonce has some good messages?

3.) Klaxons- No Diggity: I'll admit it- I do like the way you work it. Carry on.

4.) Of Montreal- Jimmy: This might be one of those covers that I actually like better than the original. Though I love that M.I.A. can get throngs of Western kids to sing along "Jimmy Aja,*" the Of Montreal version really pushes it up a notch. From the introductory "Ahhhs" to the cheesy Casio-keyboard sounding instrumental arrangement, this version manages to embody a lot of the same notes in terms of Bollywood kitsch, while capturing the longing in the lyrics. Can't you just imagine some foreign lounge singers belting out a version like this? Or it being the sex music of choice for some Eastern Bloc gangsters?

*Oh and if you're wondering, it means "Jimmy, come."

5.) Goldspot- Float On

6.) Jeff Buckley- Yeh Jo Halka Halka Saroor Hae: Before it became synonymous with all-things-terrible, Pakistan enjoyed a prominent, (albeit brief) period of awesomeness when for some reason, 90s musicians really took a liking to the devotional music of Sufi mysticism called Qawaali. Mostly in the form of the music of an artist named Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. Suddenly he was popping up on soundtracks for movies like Natural Born Killers, was totally BFF with Susan Sarandon, and having Jeff Buckley declare "Nusrat is my Elvis." Pretty bad ass right? Oh whither has destiny taken us?

7.) Xiu Xiu- Fast Car: File this under songs that make me want to kill myself, (in a good way.)

8) Joan Jett and the Blackhearts- Crimson and Clover: I love that this is a surprisingly faithful rendition of the 1960s original. It sounds like something you might hear played at some retro prom, (that is if all proms weren't by definition lame. So more like something you'd hear at a dance party were all the music is stuff you actually like to hear, and any and all meatheads are relagated to some cage in the back where they can listen to their favorite Jock Jamz).

9.)Opium Jukebox- You Spin Me Right Round: I actually had a tough time picking a song from this artist. Each of their "re-imaginings" of popular tunes cover a range of sounds, from hyper distorted industrial feels to sitar-heavy hippy trips. In the end I chose this one because it takes a light-hearted 80s dance jam and turns it into something a bit more sinister and foreign.

10.) José González- Heartbeats: It seriously took me a really long time to make a connection between the soft acoustic ballad in that one beautifully composed Sony Bravia commercial, (you remember the one, with the colorful rubber balls bouncing all through the streets of San Francisco), with the Knife's synth spectacular original. "Oh wait, this is that song?" Regardless, connection made, and I love this quieter take on the ditty.

11.) Violent Femmes- Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?: This makes me lolz. Especially the addition of nonesense lyrics, sung in the same pitiful begging tone of course- "In my mind my memory's burning/ What's your favorite color of your favorite car?"

12.) Radiohead- Sunday Bloody Sunday

13.) Johnny Cash- Hurt: Just like the Of Montreal selection above, I think my favorite cover songs are the ones where the artist manages to completely rework the original in a context that makes it uniquely their own. While on the surface NIN seems like an odd choice for the Man in Black, anyone listening to this rendition can see it shouldn't be any other way.

14.) Shilpa Ray & Her Happy Hookers I Only Have Eyes for You (The Flamingos):

Bonus:

15.) Golimar, i.e. "Indian Thriller": You're welcome.

Lady Bizniz- Songs for Fancy Ladies and Others Too

Since everyone mostly seems to be waiting in the wings like a shy boy hugging the wall at a junior high dance, and it being ladies' night and all, I guess I'll go ahead and take your collective hands and ask, "I know it's a bit late, but may I have this mix?"

Full mix available Here

1. Missy Elliott-Work It: "Ain't no shame ladies do your thing/just make sure you ahead of the game." Word.

2. The Runaways- Cherry Bomb: I wish I was cool enough to run with these broads, but I have a feeling they'll straight up cut a bitch.

3. Janis Joplin-Piece of my Heart: Go look up just about any youtube vid of Janis on 1960s television. Now that's an iconoclast. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to hop in my car,visit a corporate coffee monolith and blog about how we're all pawns in the system, man, because i'm a total anarchist that way. Also, insert obligatory "Jackie Jormp-Jomp" reference here.

4. M.I.A.-Bamboo Banga: Not going to lie, when this song comes up on shuffle, I can't help myself from rapping along in highly accented mimcry: "Strike match/light fire/who's that girl called Maya?" Lines like "Barbarella look like she my dead ringer" display the sort of irreverant confidence and self-aggrandizing bravado that I wish more female artists would embrace.

5. Rupa and the April Fishes- une américaine à paris: I don't remember who turned me on to this artist, but bottom line, she's brown and she sings in French. Win.

6. Pretenders- Brass in Pocket: While the patronizing label of "girl power anthems" abound, this is one of those songs that seems to really embody a sort of empowering self-determination without being lame, (or female specific, really). Perhaps the flip-side companion to Janis Ian's At Seventeen? Together those two songs make for one mighty fine-soundin' bipolar disorder.

7. The Pipettes- Judy: Upon further inspection, this mix should really be called "being a chick often leads to less than desirable situations."

8. Metric- Glass Ceiling: Men- it's all gender apartheid-this, glass ceiling-that. Amirite, ladies?

9. Julie Brown- The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun: Bitches be shootin'.

10. Gillian Welch- My First Lover: Bitches be lovin'.

11. Blue States- Your Girl: Bitches be leavin.'

12. The Blow- True Affection

13. Bat for Lashes- What's a Girl to Do: Too expected?

Bonus:

Midnight Radio-I know I had Hedwig on my last mix, but I really couldn't resist putting this song on a ladies' night mix, what with it's name-dropping sassy brassy ladies like Yoko Ono and Tina Turner.

A Mix for People

>>Techno Fail Part Deux: I'm still suffering from an alarmingly slow internet connection, so I've had to do the old single- song at a time deal once more. Apologies. << Full mix available here, with requisite individual links below.

Children ruin everything. With that said, here's a mix that won't traumatize the young 'uns but still keep everyone else's toes tapping, (though I suspect some eye rolls from the surly-faced alterna-teen in all of us. GEE, THANKS FOR THE GREAT MIX, JERK.)

Warning: My idea of "Music for Everyone" often veers dangerously close to what might be approximated as "hippy bullshit." But, you know what? Everyone just needs to relax, man and stop harshing each other's vibes.

1.) Preeti Sagar- My Heart is Beating: Inspired by Vivian, I too have decided to skew a bit ethnic. I have a real soft spot for songs sung in English by those for whom English is a second language. Thusly I include the following wholesome Vintage Bollywood jam from the 1975 film Julie. Despite the lovey-dovey lyrics, it's definitely something you can crank up in the car with your Nana.

2.)Queen- Bicycle Race: Nothing wrong here, (save for one easily-missed reference to cocaine). But you know, everyone's gotta learn about the old nose candy sometime. Since this is Queen's second appearance for this theme, as an extra here's a bit about Freddie's old band from his school days.

3.)Harry McClintock- Big Rock Candy Mountain: An old-timey American classic that envisions a hobo's version of heaven. Not a drinky/stabby hobo, but like a loveable 1930s style hobo with patches on his knees, toting a little rucksack.

4.) The B-52s- Rock Lobster: Everyone's favorite beach party throw-back. This is the longer album version where the last minute or so just devolves into band members making wacky aquatic animal noises.

5.) Talking Heads- Road to Nowhere: An innocuous road trip song that has a choir of people reminding us that "it's alright" even if we might not know where we're going exactly. A comfort whether you're growing up, or just growing old. Also features random shrieks around the 4:03 mark.

6.) John Cameron Mitchell- Wig in a Box: An all-around infectious feel-good toe-tapper. I maintain that even previously mentioned Satan Spawn Rush Limbaugh wouldn't be able to resist putting on a little lipstick and miming to this song. My life will be complete once Hedwig songs are available as Rock Band DLC.

7.) Bob Dylan- The Times They are a-Changin': While some may believe that mentions of revolution and change are frightening spectres of an uncertain future, I've always found them to inspire a sort of do-gooder aspirational hope. Older folks can listen and reminisce at how far their generation's come, whilst the young can hum along and see the work that still must be done.

Family fun for all!

8.) The Beatles- Across the Universe: Lyrical & psychedelic, this song always sounds like some sort of ephemeral soft pop lullaby. Guaranteed to have everyone singing along in mellow unison.

9.) Don McLean- The Day the Music Died: Sort of a sad subject matter, but delivered in a such a jaunty way that one can't help but sing along. Besides, sometimes you just need a melancholy sort of song that can be played in mixed company too, right?

10.) They Might be Giants- Particle Man: Can always count on these chaps for a case of the sillies. This song also contributed to a pretty memorable animated sequence on Tiny Toon Adventures.

11.)Traveling Wilburys- It's All Right: Because, you know what? It is all right.

12.) John Lennon- Imagine: Is this too expected? I mean, it's all right in the lyrics- this song is for everyone under the sun to sit under a tree, hold hands and be at peace with themselves and each other until we're all a happy, smiley pan-racial, post-gender, class defying coalition- like one giant Benneton ad. Also: it's the best testament to communism in the history of popular music. Never too early (or too late) to indoctrinate your loved ones.

13.)Neil Diamond- America: How can you miss with the D-man? Fist pumps mandatory each time chorus is heard, and at every use of "today" starting at around the 3:15 mark.

14.) Depeche Mode- Just Can't Get Enough: Something sweet for all.

15.)Journey- Don't Stop Believin': Perhaps too bro-y, but come on, it'll bring a smile to any old face. Once again fist pumps mandatory at each

16.) Stereolab-Lo Boob Oscillator: Everything sounds nice when you can't understand the language.

Halloweenie: Dead Alive Disco

Technology Fail: Due to an alarmingly slow internet connection, I too had to resort to the one-song-at-a-time upload strategy, despite having my folder RAR-ing to go, (get it? YOU'RE WELCOME).

Anyhow, full tracklist available here, with requisite individual links below.

While I can't surpass the genuine macabre of Midnight Mary or the high lol-factor of Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, here's my very own rag-tag collection of Malevolent Melodies, (DJ Jazzy Jeff counts as one of those, right?) Warning: I steer very heavily towards novelty, and things you might hear on some Hell-bound country hayride.

1.) Bauhaus- Bela Lugosi's Dead

Pardon the (sort of) repeat; but this song is definitely Halloween incarnate. Also, if I were ever the Final Girl in a slasher movie, I'd like to think this song would score the last climactic fight scene.

2.)Alice Cooper- Welcome to my Nightmare

Yea, this is on the playlist. Deal with it.

3.)Dead Kennedys- Halloween

4.)The Zombies- A Rose for Emily

A song based on one of the creepiest classic American short stories ever.

5.)Gillian Welch- Wind and Rain

Halloween is the perfect time for a good old fashioned murder ballad. This is one of my favorites- jealousy, murder, and a haunted fiddle made of a dead girl's bones. Also, there's totally a Twilight Zone episode based on the same legend; awesome factor +100 points.

6.) DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince- Nightmare on My Street

I know two fellows who have some serious problems on their street- a decomposing dream stalker and some potential copyright infringement issues among them.

7.) Chemical Bomb- Aquabats

Eyes melting and rivers of blood washing mankind from earth. Apocalyptic scenarios for the win.

8.)The Animals- We Gotta Get Out of this Place

Look out! It's Jon and Kate OF THE DEAD.

9.)Violent Femmes- Country Death Song

10.) The White Stripes- Little Ghost

11.) Blue Oyster Cult- Joan Crawford

She has risen from the grave!

12.) Ramones- Pet Sematary

13.) The Misfits- Halloween

As you can tell, I'm pretty good at themes.

14.)Iron Maiden- The Number of the Beast

I'd like to dedicate this one to Vivian.

15.)Jefferson Airplane- White Rabbit

I feel this song is creepy enough to warrant inclusion.

16.)The Blue Sky Boys- Down the Banks of the Ohio

Capping out with one last murder ballad. A rejected marriage proposal leads to another death by a river bank. We'd all do well to avoid Southern river banks.

BONUS TRACK:

17.)Charlie Daniels Band- The Devil Went Down to Georgia

Pardon the Repeat Part 2: Sorry High School Kyle, But I demand some genuine fiddle-faddlin'.